In Memory of My Friend

Exactly one year ago, I lost a friend....
Although I never knew her for a long time, we became really close friends during the first quarter of the 7th grade. We were buddies from the first day of PE, the energy she had, and the love and care she seemed to give out. On the first day, I saw her and immediately said, 'HI!!!!!! Whats up? OMG I CANNOT BELIEVE WE ARE IN JR. HIGH! PE IS GOING TO ROCK!' and from then on we talked and talked and talked and talked. Her locker was by mine, and usually we joked around with each other, and one day she went up to me with a fake nose-ring. I flipped out and kept asking her if it was real, and she just laughed and took it out. Relieved, I started laughing alongside her.
We even talked about her boots, and how it was soooo cold in the morning, and now it's really warm, and how she really wanted it to be cold enough to wear boots. She took off her boots (which we gushed about until lunchtime) and walked around with her running shoes. 'Ugh! I wore these for no reason!' she said, and she just laughed.
In PE class, we would always mess around while we did stretches, just laughing at the funny faces we made and how painful (yes painful) stretches we endured that day.
She always reminded me to sign her shirt, I remember after I hugged her one day, that she wanted me to sign her shirt.... I never did....
One day, she was crying. Alone in one corner, I reached out and comforted her. Hoping she would stop. Through the tears she told me why she cried, and shocked at the reason, I stayed with her. Afterwards she was fine, but I knew deep inside she held all that pain. She held a lot of pain, but she kept it in and held strong. I knew that for a reason, because people weren't the nicest to her. She had so much to offer. Through all those negative things, she managed to be happy and caring. She had so much love to share to the world, and her hugs were always genuine.
On that same day, I looked out the window of my car right after school, and I wanted to open the window to say goodbye, but I held back, thinking I will see her the next day, and that my mom will get mad because it was so cold.
Wrong. Around 5:00PM that day, my mom and I were at her friends house and when we were heading to Safeway, we saw an accident by the old hospital. I looked at the scene for a while, and I never knew what really happened. I just saw lots of police cars and ambulances, and people surrounding the area. So I knew it was tragic....
Little did I know, that was really her accident. The next day, it snowed. I had this feeling of wearing my black trench coat and black jeans. And once I got to school, there was rumor going around. I never listened, until the saddened principal announced the news.....

'Last night we lost one of our fellow students, Britney Cardella.
She died last night from a fatal car crash.......'

And that's all I could stand to hear.... I just lost all thought. My advisory teacher was in tears already. I sat there, unmoved, just thinking.... 'No....this can't be'.
The rest of the day, I just can't find the energy to smile. Computers class was silent. Art class was even awkward....

I was scared. I was shocked. She was biking home from soccer practice, and a truck hit her, and she suffered a bad concussion from hitting the curb. When she was airlifted to the hospital, her heart stopped. And she was gone..........
The funeral was sad itself. I cried and cried, I tried to cry quietly, but sobs broke out every once in a while. I really wanted to talk too, give a small speech, but I never got to.... All my friends were saddened.

But you know what? We shouldn't be sad. We should be happy that she's in a much better place now. She's in a place where she won't be in pain anymore. She's looking down at us, and I know that when the sun shines, that she's there too with God, smiling down at us. Even though she's not here wish us physically, she'll always be in our hearts, memories, and her spirit is with God.

We love and miss you Britney!!!!!!
You've inspired me so much, and I'll always keep your memory alive

An angel to us all

The origin of my nickname

Maybe some of you are kind of curious on what is the origin of my nickname, the famous 'Bee' or if you wanted to mess around with it, 'Beezy Bee' or so on so forth. I have taken the liberty to share with you the brief origin and start of the whole nickname scenario.
So, I was reading the book, 'The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants' one day in a rainy day on our way to Seattle. My sister bought that book in Barnes & Noble for me a few months before, but I have never came across the time to actually put my time into reading it, so while we were in the car, I took it out and started reading with great curiosity. Then, suddenly I realized there was a character that was introduced named Bridget. Of course I really didn't know much about her because I only started the book, but from that point I can kind of find a little bit of myself in her.
As the book went on, I started to relate myself with her. The love of running, the love of being outdoors, the outgoing nature, the love of adventure and challenge, everything just seemed to piece together.
And there is a part of the book where it mentions more about her overall personality. She is a happy go-lucky person in nature, but sometimes she sails along the ocean happily and suddenly her boat crashes down and the past catches up on her. She has those brief moments where everything kind of tumbles over and reality sets in. Somehow I related to that in a way.
So obviously there's a point to all this. Her nickname was 'Bee' as in bumblebee. And slowly I took that nickname and incorporated it with the whole BeBe ordeal I was going through (yes, someone had decided to give me that nickname in the 5th grade and it only later until the 6th grade luckily. I secretly despised that name!).
Yes, that is how I got my nickname. Now you know the truth unfolded! Thank you Ann Brashares for making such a book! Without it, I will never be where I am at, and I would still be called Bebe until this very day :)

Another Stargaze

Tonight I felt like leaving the leisures of being under the roof and trade it for the stars. Its a perfect night! I know I did this before and blogged about it, but everytime I do this, it takes my breath away. The reason I am doing this yet again is not only because its breezy and cool outside (it feels great by the way) but also because I have that undying urge to get away from being under that roof and under something more natural and undoubtedly beautiful.
I am just in love with the breeze. Usually I hate the wind, but tonight it makes me feel safe and vulnerable at the same time. I am trying to do this every night I can. Summer is whisking away, and is it me or do I feel fall creeping around the corner?
Either way the simplicity of being under the curtain of stars and the feeling of the wind brushing your hair and tickling your toes is remarkable.
This is a great time to think as well. It makes you think about whatever. Like that old thought you pushed behind your head. It's great.
Beautiful and simple. I the breeze is picking up now, and I love it! I love the sound of the trees leaves rustling around in the wind. This is probably one of my favorite pastimes in the world.

School is starting! And it feels sooo different!

Hello again! So, school is OFFICIALLY starting TOMORROW!!! I'm so uber excited! I haven't seen most of my friends in 3 months. That's pretty much a long time in my book! Anyways, there's this feeling you get when there's some kind of change occurring. You can't exactly put your finger to the exact words, but you know that there's something strange. A new vibe or feeling that you get. Kind of like when the season's change! (It feels like that right now actually. Despite the hot weather, I can feel in the air it's starting to shift into the fall matra)
Anyhow, that's what I'm feeling. Change is in the air, and I love it! The new feeling that runs through your mind and that chance to reinvent your surroundings. It's weird, but somehow it feels great. It's probably because I have had enough of summer itself. It was very fun, yet sometimes you can have too much fun. You've probably heard it, but it's quite true.
You've had your summer moments, and summer fun, now it's time for a new chapter and a new routine. That is greatly appreciated with me. It may be scary at first, but once you get used to it, you'll be happy. And usually I always look forward to that feeling deep down. Especially when Christmas is coming up! Haha, I love the whole Christmas vibe and cheer. And of course when it snows (which is totally rare here) at night (especially on Christmas Eve, which is also rare but it happens) there's that warm frilly feeling you get. It's hard to explain, but it's great. Even while you watch the snow in the dark night sky with a cup of hot chocolate and a warm bowl of soup. And with the Christmas tree of course! (Hehe I personally love the lights and ornamants)
Anyhow, before I get carried away with the Christmas cheer (ahhh) that's the point I'm trying to make. That feeling of change is all worthwhile. Even to some it's kind of a weird feeling, but they get used to it and start to really appreciate the whole idea that it's time to move on and make new memories, and always reminisce about the old ones.

What if you can change the world?

Recently I have been thinking about: what if you can change the world by simply doing small and simple stuff?
When the program 'Flipnote Hatena' came out on my Nintendo DSi shop, immediately I was brainstorming ideas for my next cartoon (and obviously got addicted to it. By the way, it's really fun!) when I came across an old thought. During the summer, a song by Nickelback inspired me to at least do something to make someone's day. In fact, maybe even change the perspective of the world a little bit and maybe do something beautiful. Although small, at least I will do something and leave a beautiful statement for the world to ponder on. Maybe even have people thinking, and to examine their own lives, relate to it, and maybe even help them through the toughest moments of their lives.
Through experiences and what I have read, I want to help somebody who maybe doesn't have a voice to speak up, but deep down inside need that desperate attention. I know I can't do that, but at least I want somebody to see something and maybe help them a little bit. Brighten their day, and have them smile through the storm, and know it's going to be okay. Even when things look bleak, at least they have the confidence to move on, or even to be happy with the situation and learn from it.
Remember from a previous blog post, how I said there was a book called 'A Lifetime of Secrets'? Well there was a secret (well it's not really a secret) that I related to. It said 'I wish I can help make the pain and hurt go away from all of those who have pain. Just know that you have a friend, and even if we never meet, just know you aren't alone'. It went something like that.

So when the flipnote program came out and that old thought burst through my brain like a trampling dinosaur, I was overshadowed with ideas. Then I came up with a simple cartoon that shows various kinds of messages that I wanted to share to the world, and maybe inspire people as well.
I posted the comic on Hatena's website (they have this website you can log onto on the DSi and comment and share with other users) and immediately I got comments from various types of people. One really touched my heart it said:
'Wow that message just got me through the worst time of my life. I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart'- BlackRose<3 (there's a heart icon, but that's the best I can do right now)
I immediately felt a rush of happiness. It makes me happy to make someone else happy, especially if they are going through something diffucult. Some people usually don't have that support system, and I am happy that I can at least be part of that. Even though it's a short little flipnote, it's great to see such impact it could have. (Just goes to show that even the smallest things in life can make such a huge effect in the world)

(If you want to check out my flipnote that I was talking about, it's on this blog. It's at the top!)

Hope that you all have the awesomest of the awesomest of the days. And remember, when it's a rainy day, don't be glum. Dance through the rain and make the best of it.

Pon & Zi: The cutest emo comic characters that touch your heart

There are these two characters called Pon and Zi that seriously are the cutest little dears in the world. They are originally created by Azuphre (I am betting that's his nickname lolz) and immediately I fell in love with his little sketches. (*Note: If you want to see some, there are a few posted on my blog. Just scroll down all the way to the bottom and the first two you see are Pon and Zi)
Heres a little information of Pon and Zi...
Pon is the yellow character. He/she ('there is no specific gender' states a website, but there is one comic that makes Pon seem like the boy since it says, 'You should meet my girlfriend, I bet she can teach you how to be pretty' to a flower... But you may never know) Pon is the more sensitive and the one who is the most sweetest. You can really relate to him more than Zi.
Zi is the blue character. He/she is more of the quirky, sarcastic, funny, and random type. There's this one comic (and of course my favorite) where it says 'I may not look like much, but I am a pro at pretending to be a ninja'. Still, it's really cute :)

The comics are mainly really the cutest little comics ever. It varies from humor and randomness, to personal struggles of love. Pon is mainly the one who's in the sensitive, vulnerable, love, sadness comics, while Zi is more in the zany outgoing comics.
I think that you can really relate to many of the pictures and their meanings.

The art itself is really cute as well! I think that they're both really cute, my mom says otherwise, but I still think they're cute.
Actually my friend Dusty saw one comic and there was a 'Sasauge Kitty' in it! (It was the one that says 'No matter how much I practice, I can't make drawings of you pretty enough') and there was a fat cat on top of Pon. It was HILARIOUS! He went on about it throughout math class... :D

Well I hope you all check it out, it's really awesome :)

Looking Through the Past

Okay, just a minute ago I finished writing in my diary and out of curiousity, I read my past entries, and the tendency to find my old diaries overtook me. So I did so, and personally I am very shocked at how much memories that I hold (most of which made me laugh) and I am as shocked mainly because of the great deal of growing and the intellect that I have come to collect. Everything from the past brought me here to where I am and I am just quite intrigued by that idea.
I am aware that the past and present determines your future but seriously, after overlooking all those entries, it's really interesting how much of everything came to be.
And I just have to laugh as well at my questions I asked myself. I know the answer to most of those questions. It's so crazy!
It's funny and quite something just knowing how mch you have matured in the past 13 years, even in the past months.
And you know what? Whatever happens in the past and present, both good and bad, (hopefully good mostly) I am happy of the outcome. Even though life isn't perfect, I wouldn't change my life for another because mine rocks my flip-flops off!
There's this book actually, called 'A Lifetime of Secrets' (haha thanks DJ for telling me about it) and it's filled with postcards that has secrets and sometimes advice from people of all ages sent in anonymously, and it's really good. Some secrets I can relate to or even take to heart and it becomes part of me. The secret that suits this post has to be this one:

"The most important thingI realised lately is that painful break-ups, unrequited love, cruddy jobs, and the like to help us to BUILD CHARACTER and no matter how bad itfeels, we are much better off because of it."

I learned so much from that secret/advice :D
whoever that is, thank ya for sending that in lol!!
Well yeah, take care my fellow bloggers!