If you really knew me, my life is based on everyone's expectations. I've always pressured myself to limits that even some can find unbearable. Academically, physically, mentally, emotionally... Just to make myself perfect in everyone's eyes. I finally realized that this isn't right. Although setting yourself in a high goal and putting yourself in a higher standard is positive, we aren't all perfect. I messed up a couple times, and truly I admit to some of my mistakes. And through those mistakes, I've learned and grew from them. From time to time, I would look back and think, 'Why did I freak out on that?'. So, I found myself thinking in a new perspective... Whatever happens, happens. Cliche'? Yes. But, it's really true. Life moves on, and either way, if you react a certain way, you may think of yourself as a fool in the future. And to some, the regret isn't something they can cope with. Now, if you can't cope with it, then don't even think of reacting that way.
If you really knew me, you'd know that even though I live the most lavish life of many friends, loving family, an outgoing personality (that's carefree as well ha) many opportunities in sports, music, academics, and others, I'd find myself alone. You'd know that even though I have everyone on my side, there's always moments where I feel like no one understands me. It goes back to living up to expectations, and people expect me to be happy all the time, and for me to help them with their problems. But really, I find myself helping others, but not myself. It sounds pathetic after reading that, but isn't that the truth? I always pour my happiness to others, because I want them to have that joy that I have. And at rare occasions (very rare), there would be an individual who probably is "jealous" or envious of me, and they try to take whatever I have and turn it against me. Honestly, I think that's a sign of major weakness.
If you really knew me, you'd know that throughout my life, I never thought I was pretty. Then again, when does any girl think they're pretty? But, recently I found myself thinking.... My friends are beautiful, I'm beautiful. Both them and I don't necessarily date a lot, and there's a reason. We're in a higher standard. Those who find themselves in a higher standard, are the one's who are hard to get. Sometimes we think that we're not the best, and there's something wrong with us, while other's who aren't in such a higher place are out having "fun".
So when you think to yourself, is there something wrong with me? think again. You're a rare person, and that rarity must be treasured by a person who really takes the time and honesty to get to know you, and to win you. Otherwise, live your life. There's many things you need to think about besides dating. Keep at your goals and achieve.
And if you really knew me, you'd know that I've done some things in my life that I thoroughly regret. I have probably mentioned this before, but I have. I have went against what I said. I threw around the word "love" a little too much. And I've lied to myself. When I have done this, I looked at myself in the mirror thinking that I betrayed myself. Not only myself, but my values. Pretty over-exaggerated huh? But when you live in my life, everything in my life matters to the fullest. Although I cannot undo what I've done, all I can say is: I vow never to say those words to another person, until I'm sure that they deserve it. And I will stand by my ideals, values, morals, and opinions. This person, they weren't the best for my standards. They went against it. They actually thought of something I myself would consider "stupid", although it is their life and I respect it. Anyways, what they thought, they tried to brainwash me into thinking like that. Why in my life would I ever even think to be like that? Putting myself down to their level of knowledge? That's insane!! And with this experience, I have learned to be the person I need to be, even if someone else will end up broken. It seems vicious, but when it comes to your own self, you need to stand up for your self-respect.
Now, this is a portion of my life, as I know it. And a portion of my opinions and perspectives on some deeper causes. I hope that you have a better outlook in this world.
