You know that feeling of an epiphany? It's kind of a corny feeling, I know, but it's just something that lifts your heart up out of your chest and invigorates your mind and soul.
For me, this feeling has gradually made its way into my life, easing itself into my heart as if an angel sent this message telling me, 'it's okay.'
Somehow I'm taking this as only the beginning. For now, I guess I'll just apply everything in my life and figure things out from here, only because I'm still halfway up the mountain. (I'm only 15!) But it's still progress, there isn't one little speck of a doubt. Who are we to say that we are finished? Even when we're long gone, there's never an end. For instance Shakespeare and many other contributors to literature has left a legacy on many individuals lives. It keeps on going from there, people take inspiration in their works and apply it to their daily routines and so on so forth. Although they aren't alive, well they still happen to be living in some sort of way. They live with us, and they surround us with what they have left, just like a gift.
Anyways back to my story. I'm progressing onwards because I believe I found something that has been missing for quite some time now. For one thing, I've learned to balance out my priorities. That's something that I haven't been able to comprehend for some time. The reason why is because ever since I started growing up and maturing, many things just blew my way. And with that, I didn't know what to do with all these new things that were literally given to me by hand. Somehow, I think that's what brought me down a little.
Also, I think I've found the person who I really want to be. Not the changed person, not the person who has morphed herself to be another's ideal Barbie doll. No, none of that superficial bull. I'm just me.
Who cares if I prefer to read rather than to drink? And who cares if I rather go to lunch alone instead of with a friend? I'm a person who likes solitude from time to time, because sometimes people just tire me out.
I'm not a puppet anymore. I refuse to be that again.
From now on, it's a new start :)
And to close off... This summer has showed me all that I have wanted to see. And really, I can't ask for anything more. The only thing I wish, is that it wouldn't have to end so abruptly.
Monday, July 18, 2011
Thursday, July 14, 2011
To the face I'd like to forget
To whom I'd like to forget the most.
You're nevertheless the most repulsive human-being in the whole entire world. Everyone knows that. Even though you stick your nose in the air, people hate you. Especially me.
People often forget to seek within a person before digging deeper in a pit where you can't escape. I wish I knew that. To those who don't know what I'm talking about, look at it this way. Don't fall, unless you know how to catch yourself. If you don't follow that advice, I don't know what to tell you.
To the face I'd like to forget, I hope your memory soon fades like dust blowing away in a whirlwind. I've learned to move on from most of the turmoil you brought me, even though you're oblivious to it, but I still live with the anger your face gives me. I recoil and shudder in hopes of shaking off your memory, and yet it still acts as a vivid image seared in my brain. How could you do this?
To the heart I'd like to forget, I hope you know you don't have a heart. Maybe somewhere along the lines of your life, you did have one. Yet, something happened that shattered the remaining pieces, leaving you with nothing. It's a sad tale to tell, but it seems like it's true. I hope you know, being used to living like this ultimately puts you in the category of people I'd hope to never see again.
And to you, whom I'd like to forget... You're nothing but a mere memory now.
You're nevertheless the most repulsive human-being in the whole entire world. Everyone knows that. Even though you stick your nose in the air, people hate you. Especially me.
People often forget to seek within a person before digging deeper in a pit where you can't escape. I wish I knew that. To those who don't know what I'm talking about, look at it this way. Don't fall, unless you know how to catch yourself. If you don't follow that advice, I don't know what to tell you.
To the face I'd like to forget, I hope your memory soon fades like dust blowing away in a whirlwind. I've learned to move on from most of the turmoil you brought me, even though you're oblivious to it, but I still live with the anger your face gives me. I recoil and shudder in hopes of shaking off your memory, and yet it still acts as a vivid image seared in my brain. How could you do this?
To the heart I'd like to forget, I hope you know you don't have a heart. Maybe somewhere along the lines of your life, you did have one. Yet, something happened that shattered the remaining pieces, leaving you with nothing. It's a sad tale to tell, but it seems like it's true. I hope you know, being used to living like this ultimately puts you in the category of people I'd hope to never see again.
And to you, whom I'd like to forget... You're nothing but a mere memory now.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
A summer to remember
School has ended a little more than a month ago, and I have to say, Freshman year was quite something. I've witnessed myself shift through some phases of teenage anxiety, and hardcore stress due to balancing out my social life, academics, and extracurricular activities. A portion of me has indeed changed. I've learned to cope with the past and my mistakes, as well as cope with many new challenges that life itself threw out at me. The past, well it's the past. What can I say? The scars will always remain there. Embracing the welts and cuts that stain our lives is probably the best thing one can do, because the battle marks of life is probably the most beautiful aspects of one's self. It shows that you have lived, and it shows that you have learned to accept the lessons life has to give you. Isn't that what the meaning of life is? Isn't that the most important lesson you would have to learn?
Well, life now is just what I would say, dandy. I've sought out a getaway from most of what started this turmoil. It's my personal sanctuary while I search for the real me. The person that I'm well acquainted with, yet lost touch with. I went with a close person who probably understands me more than my own parents, who basically knows when I'm hiding something behind my 'Noh' face (Japanese reference. It's basically a painted face that shows no emotion whatsoever. More like a neutral emotionless mask) and through them, I suppose I'm understanding more and more about myself and of course my future. I've learned that mistakes are a part of a success.
Sometimes though, I look outside in the night and find myself wondering what the heck happened? What exactly started me on this path? I know for sure that I'm deliberately carving this pathway myself, but what was my incentive? What exactly was my motive? Was it intentional? I keep asking myself, and whispering them in the stars when I look up, hoping for some sort of reply or answer. As if they themselves know, they did in fact witness a whole portion of my life from the heavens. What don't they know?
I feel silly sometimes, asking myself so many questions that I don't know the answer to. Like a mystery novel, I piece through parts of my life to find out little clues. Those little clues will someday add up to an answer, hopefully someday before it's too late.
Otherwise, this summer is about thinking about stuff other than the past. More like the future. Besides personal examination, I see myself through those around me, in their eyes. It's somewhat like an eye-opener. I myself realize more than I can see. Sometimes it's too late. At times, I wish that I could take back some things, or maybe wish that I was someone else who would get the approval of people around me. But of course none of that would happen.
I'm a huge contradiction. I know.
But let's just say this... Summer is summer. This summer in particular would be one of the greatest to date. Last summer would be the second, only because of my mini adventure. Yet, this one will be the sun-filled, beach going, heart warming, and star-filled one with the ocean constantly blowing in the air. And each and every moment would be accounted for. Each one, more enjoyable than the last. But all-in-all equally amazing.
Well, life now is just what I would say, dandy. I've sought out a getaway from most of what started this turmoil. It's my personal sanctuary while I search for the real me. The person that I'm well acquainted with, yet lost touch with. I went with a close person who probably understands me more than my own parents, who basically knows when I'm hiding something behind my 'Noh' face (Japanese reference. It's basically a painted face that shows no emotion whatsoever. More like a neutral emotionless mask) and through them, I suppose I'm understanding more and more about myself and of course my future. I've learned that mistakes are a part of a success.
Sometimes though, I look outside in the night and find myself wondering what the heck happened? What exactly started me on this path? I know for sure that I'm deliberately carving this pathway myself, but what was my incentive? What exactly was my motive? Was it intentional? I keep asking myself, and whispering them in the stars when I look up, hoping for some sort of reply or answer. As if they themselves know, they did in fact witness a whole portion of my life from the heavens. What don't they know?
I feel silly sometimes, asking myself so many questions that I don't know the answer to. Like a mystery novel, I piece through parts of my life to find out little clues. Those little clues will someday add up to an answer, hopefully someday before it's too late.
Otherwise, this summer is about thinking about stuff other than the past. More like the future. Besides personal examination, I see myself through those around me, in their eyes. It's somewhat like an eye-opener. I myself realize more than I can see. Sometimes it's too late. At times, I wish that I could take back some things, or maybe wish that I was someone else who would get the approval of people around me. But of course none of that would happen.
I'm a huge contradiction. I know.
But let's just say this... Summer is summer. This summer in particular would be one of the greatest to date. Last summer would be the second, only because of my mini adventure. Yet, this one will be the sun-filled, beach going, heart warming, and star-filled one with the ocean constantly blowing in the air. And each and every moment would be accounted for. Each one, more enjoyable than the last. But all-in-all equally amazing.
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